Living in Wonju South Korea, These Many Long Years

Living in Wonju South Korea, These Many Long Years: Version 2.0!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Doody!

I woke up and sat on the throne, waiting to take care of business.  Nothing.  

I walk around, get ready, leave.  About half way to work, the spasms hit.

Figures.

As work looms closer, the spasms are coming hard and fast accompanied by ominous grumblings in my intestines.  By the time I pull into work, my sphincter is buckling under the pressure.  I shuffle across the parking lot and crash into the nearest bathroom, nearly ripping the stall door off it's hinges.  I almost don't get my pants off in time, and as soon as I sit a stream of nasty black watery porridge squirts out my asshole with inhuman velocity.  All I can do is moan in relief as the stream continues unabated for what seems a solid 30 seconds.

Then the laughing starts.  At first it's a few sniggers, then it becomes obvious someone in another stall is trying hard to not let out a good belly laugh.  I should be embarrassed, but all I can do is think, yeah it is pretty goddamn funny.

They leave.  The inadequacy of toilet paper to fully clean up this mess isn't lost on me, but I'm able to clean myself up by using nearly half an industrial sized role of paper.  As I leave the shit splattered toilet, I lower the lid and put the plastic blue bin reserved for used paper on top.  There really should be a biohazard warning put on the door, but at least anyone else thinking of using that stall is forewarned.

I wash up and head for the office.  I feel spent, my steps light and buoyant.  I double check to make sure there isn't any toilet paper stuck to my shoe.

Maybe I should lay off the coffee this morning.  And definitely avoid the fatty pork.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sounds like someone had samgyupsal, soju, and Cass for dinner last night.

F5Waeg said...

Just a few beer, but that pretty much sums it up.

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