Living in Wonju South Korea, These Many Long Years

Living in Wonju South Korea, These Many Long Years: Version 2.0!

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Dog House!

Tonight I was supposed to go out with a buddy.

When I called June to let her know I wouldn't be home for supper, she hung up in a bit of a huff.  She called back a couple of hours later to inform me that she was going out with the ladies, and since I'd gotten hammered and slept in a different city on the weekend, I was to get and take care of the girls.

Instead of arguing, I told her to have a good time.  Home now cooking up some fish, rice and veggies. 

Time for some Max.

Snow!

first snow koreaI felt yesterday that the final threshold between fall and winter had been passed. The rain, the smell, the weight all suggested the last shift away from fall.

Sure enough, this morning the first real snow hit. A few scattered flakes fell about a week ago, but now it's for real.

I need a new pair of boots. And new tires. That sucks. But winter is not so bad in my book. As long as there is a nearby grocery store fully stocked with reasonably priced goods that is.

15 Minutes!




Last night the whole fam gathered around the flickering blue light to watch a show about the youngest's kindergarten.  Apparently, a local community / lifestyles show was interested in the place since it promotes a more holistic style of learning.  The only formalized lessons are music and art, and the kids are encouraged to play together as much as possible outside, learning about plants, bugs, animals, dirt.

We teased the youngest as her 15 minutes of fame ended up being a shot of her hiding from the camera behind one boy, and burying her face in the hood of her jacket in another segment.  She must get that from June, as I am a complete attention whore.

Or maybe she'll just come to it in her own time.  It is an odd thing that around strangers she completely clams up.  When it's folks she knows, you can't get her to slow down let alone stop.

Time for coffee.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Green Felt Table!

The original?  Panmunjom
One thing the more astute waeg will notice is how many VIPs have a glass covered green felt table in their office.  Whether they be a civil servant, business executive, or school administrator, the green felt table is ubiquitous and a symbol of their importance.

Green could represent peace and prosperity, a welcoming.  The first time I saw one I thought we should take the glass off and get a Texas Holdem tourney going.  But this is a product of my Western background, Koreans would never dream of doing such a thing.  They'd play gostop instead.

I've sat at many a green felt table in my time in Korea, but I've never had my own.  I'm slightly jealous of the accounting department as their meeting room has a big green felt covered conference table.

But I suppose, they do count the money.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Carrots!

Tonight June and I talked about carrots over dinner.  She claims the carrots we were eating were obviously Chinese because of the holes running the length of them.

I know they are Chinese, as I made the mistake of buying them.

I mused aloud that it must be a plot by the Chinese to undermine the Korean people, as obviously the holes are where most of the vitamin A is supposed to be.  Also, these carrots looked like they contained more beta-carotene, which is bad for humans if over-consumed.

She looked at me like I had a massive hole in my head.  The youngest asked if this was true.  About as true as the fact that chocolate milk comes from brown cows, honey.   Daddy's just messing around.

I did the dishes as they played yut. 

Time to look at some random videos.

Home!

Tonight I got home a little earlier than usual.  Our end of day meeting finished earlier than expected, and I decided to bug out instead of putting in some extra time.  I don't feel too bad about it, as today I was fairly productive.

I started cooking dinner, washing the rice, looking over what was in the freezer.  Looks like we're going to need to hit the Costco again soon.  Just as I was wondering what we were going to have, the girls all trouped in and demanded we order chicken.  Hurry for BBQ Well-Being Olive Oil Goodness!

I thought something was amiss when the chicken came, then it hit me: BBQ no longer puts the Well-Being slogan on their chicken boxes.  This greatly disappointed me.

Tonight I promised the girls I'd read them some more Harry Potter.  Two or three chapters a night, and it should be a little over a week to finish. 

Well Being!

One topic that has been beaten to death in the waegosphere is how a preponderance of Korean food manufacturers use the term Well-Being when describing pretty much everything.  Any waeg who has been in Korea for more than a month has undoubtedly seen the term applied to food as varied as seaweed, potato chips, even beer.

Some complain that the term has nearly lost it's meaning, a catch all phrase to describe just about anything that can be considered food, even stuff that is inherently unhealthy.

What these waegs don't get is that since eating does allow you to live, then it isn't really a misnomer to apply the label well-being to pretty much anything that can be eaten.  The companies that are manufacturing all this well-being goodness are merely ensuring that you feel good about what it is you're eating, since no one likes to feel guilty for eating an entire super size bag of shrimp chips.  In the case of the beer, enough of them and you are most definitely in the well-being zone!  Where's the lie there??

It's not really about what's good for you, but feeling good.  If only more waegs understood this very special situation, they would probably be happier, too.

If you really do want to find the good stuff, you need to look for the organic stores and products, although you may want to hurry: food manufacturers are arguing that this label can also be used to describe just about anything edible, since by virtue of being eaten it must contain some organic material.  Even edible petroleum was once organic!  So stock up now on all your favorite organic well-being awesomeness!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

The Morning After!

This morning I woke up having no idea where I was. My brain hurt.

After wandering out and finding a 24 hour potato pork spine stew restaurant, I was told I was in Icheon.

I remembered being told at the bus station that there were no more buses to Daejeon. So I took the one to the biggest city I could.

Last night was messy. I remember buying drinks for a bunch of people. June asked how I spent 10 manners, and I'm glad it was only that much.

I got home about 20 minutes ago. June and the girls are at church. I'm going to make some soup.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

hmmmm

Wonju seems pretty dull.

There is a bus leaving for Daejeon in an hour.

I know nothing about Daejeon. It's the one large Korean city I haven't spent much time in.

Let's see if I get on that bus.

Update:

Sweet Jesus the tent bar us selling Daepo at 3 chonners a bottle! MUST RESIST AND GET ON BUS!


Update 2: (7:01)

There probably is a later bus.

Update 3: (7:19)

Daepo is good.

Update 4: (7:47)

so many hot female kpop.groups.

The internetz hates Justin Beaver, good.thig most of it dosen't care about mkst Male Kpop.

Luckily there.is.some interesting shit like this:


Called one buddy. He's out fishin in the woods. Hope he catches a few.

Update 5: (8:08)

Daepo is damn good. Music in this place is getting dull, sadly this is the most hopping place right now with the peeps dating.

Hittin' the Town!

I'm bored.  The fam went off to the sauna; I've stayed in and read stoopid shit all morning. 

At around 2, I thought it was a great idea to hit the rice wine. 

Me thinks its time to go walkabout.

More later.

Friday, November 25, 2011

So Many Kinds of Wrong

Another Friday, another edition of So Many Kinds of Wrong.

Let's start with some Thanksgiving:







Bonus!  I'd like to see this kid in 10 years

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Trouble!

This morning I had a little powwow with one of the COOs.  He wanted to know why I did not go to the mandatory company concert / dinner last weekend.

I figured feeding the BS about how I'd developed car trouble wouldn't fly, so told him the truth: if I didn't go make the kimchi, my wife's kibun would be very upset.  Many of the other mothers did not go to help with the work, and if instead of helping out I went off to have fun at a dinner and concert, things would be more than a little frosty around the house.  I felt very bad for not going as I understand the health of the group depends on good, happy feelings all around, but I would hardly be a good member of the group if for the next few weeks June was constantly walking around with dark storm clouds over her head.

He seemed at first somewhat flummoxed as to what to say.  It was obvious that he had been primed to get his rage on, but my explanation was pretty sound.  How are you to fault somewhat for not attending a social event when the health of his home life is on the line?  The company does claim to be very family oriented.

But then I remember the conversation I had around the water cooler with another waeg: he didn't go either, as his brother was flying into Incheon on the same day.  When he asked for permission to not attend, he had been told by the same COO that his brother should reschedule his flight, as attending the company event was extremely important.  This made more than a few of us shake our heads, as one of the Korean managers was given permission to not attend when he'd told again the same COO that he had a cold.

Weird.

End result: he said he understood, but that next time I should make more effort to attend all company social events.  I said I most definitely would, as he could see my record for attending these things is near spotless.

Hopefully there won't be any other blowback.

Time for coffee.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Saying Goodbye!

Tonight we had a family over for dinner.  I used to teach the kids back in the day, and we ended up becoming pretty close.

They're emigrating to Canada.  They plan on opening a music and art academy when they get there.  Dad was a senior VP at a trading company, while mom is an RN who has been working in the admin end of things for the last ten years.  Things got misty as we said our goodbyes.

Their eldest just started high school while their youngest is in 2nd grade of middle.  The daughter is actually quite strong academically, but they've decided to take the plunge and make the move anyway.

It's rare to see a family with older kids like this make the move.  In the past when I did immigration counseling, most of the families had kids in elementary.  In their case, they've already invested a considerable sum in the tutoring and academies, but mom and dad have decided they really want to make a change while they still can.

Sad to see them go, but I can understand why.  Staying here means living in a box surrounding by other boxes, a total population density per square mile in an apartment complex being over 1000 in most cases.  There, they'll have a yard and trees.

Twenty years ago, the young me scoffed at suburban life.  Manicured lawns in a gated community sounded like a slow death.

Now I know it to be living in concrete boxes in complexes where the highlight of your day is scoring a parking space less than 400 meters from your building.  Ah, the folly of youth.

Me thinks plans should be made to GTFOA.

Time for some Daepo.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Violation!

This morning on my way to work I got a traffic violation.  I got nailed by a camera for going through a red light.  It's a nowhere traffic light, and I can usually avoid the camera by going straight through the turning lane.  This morning I was a little sleepy and didn't bother.  The pink flash of the camera totally upset me for a whole fifteen minutes.

Then I remembered that it is my precious duty to contribute my share to the improvement of the road system, and even though it'll only be 4 manners, every little bit counts.  Also, I should be doing my bit to increase the waeg crime rate.  Someone has to bring it up to par with the Korean rate; as guests, we mustn't engender bad kibun amongst our hosts, and a too low crime rate would only make all kinds of people feel bad.  Who cares if running a traffic light isn't the same as fraud, rape, theft, or murder?  It's the thought that counts.

And I was truly all about running that red light.

Don't thank me; when living in a foreign country, it is important to be civic minded.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Me and My Big Mouth

Sometimes people say all kinds of crap without thinking about it too much.

This blog is a case in point. I just speak my mind, when I should just sit quietly.

Today I was feeling kinda snarky, and I should have just holed up in my office and got my work on.

Around the water cooler one of the ladies went on about a new sweet potato diet she's trying. Apparently, you can lose a lot of weight quickly by eating only sweet potatoes whenever you're hungry.

I threw up a little in my mouth listening to her describe the diet while watching her eat sweet potato. Personally, I don't find sweet potato all that great; it took every ounce of will to not spew all over her at the thought of eating nothing else but sweet potato while watching her cram one in her mouth. What can I say? I like variety in my foodstuffs.

She saw my discomfort and laughed. Waeg, what's the matter? You don't like Korean sweet potato?

My eye twitched slightly. No, I'm not a big fan of American sweet potato. Yams are a bit easier to stomach. I do like the greens though.

sweet potato pizza.  worst.  invention. evar.
This isn't American, this is grown in Korea.

Sure, I meant where it originates. They have 5000 years of history. Apparently it came to Asia a long time ago with the Polynesians. In fact, it's considered possible evidence for trans-pacific voyages, as someone would have had to bring it back with them. It's not in the same category as tomato, tobacco, corn, potato, or chillies; those were brought over only within the last two-three hundred years at best.

How come you know so much about sweet potato?

I wrote a paper on human migration back in uni.

Our conversation ended there, and she did not look too happy and seemed put out.

Now, I do believe that stupidity is a universal human constant, and I'm hoping she won't hold a grudge against me and that her panties aren't in a knot about it. From experience, these types of conversation never end well. You can't win and its best to just smile. When will I ever learn?

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Makin' the Kimchi



A terrible thing happened on my way to meet the company bus: the famvan developed some problems, and I was unable to meet the bus. I'm sure there will be hell to pay later, but at least I'm now able to participate in the Great Kimchi of 2011.

I've been dodging the many glasses of soju. I promised myself I wouldn't drink.

All I can say is that's a lot of kimchi. We're almost ready to mix it all together and bury it.

More later.

Letter from a Long Time Reader!

A while back I received the following email from someone who self describes as a long time reader:

Dear Waeg


I've been reading your blog for a while and find it at times entertaining.  Being a Korean married to an Englishman, some of your writings resonate all too deep.  I do hope you and your wife can work out your differences, which seem generally related to a lack of communication.  If it makes things any easier, I have many friends who like me are in mixed marriages, and some of the disagreements you have with your wife are similar to what I've seen in other Korean females / non Korean male pairings. Not to lecture, but it's all about perspective.  I would guess that your wife has not spent a lot of time overseas.


While I don't doubt that you aren't an ESL teacher, and I understand why you avoid spelling out exactly what you do, you do a disservice by pretending to be something you aren't.  Why not, as you purport to do, 'step up' and own what you really are?  Maybe if you remove the facade, you can find a way to be equal with your spouse.


Sign me X@excite.com, this being a random email account (10/4/11)


Hi X@excite.com, sorry for not responding sooner, but the planets were not aligned, the world wasn't ready, the gods had yet to receive their payment in blood, pithy expression related to timing here.  That I would remember your email under the circumstances is in itself divine Providence.  Sadly, the hate always gets a more visceral reaction and generates more comments, which are somewhat scant on my stoopid blog.  But then, I haven't posted most of what I've received, always saving the best for last.

I should preface my response with the fact that I'm pretty drunk and I'll probably ramble a bunch.  We hosted a parents' meeting for the kindergarten tonight, and several of the dads stayed late. We talked about plans for the next dad's meeting; I'm no longer allowed to miss out, as they know I've been staying away because of the last asshole in charge.  He's out and the new guy is all about rockin' the house.  This is all good.

I've worked hard to reconcile myself to the fact that I married when I never wanted to.  I wanted to travel, see the world.  Live.  Truth is, I haven't been able to completely accept that the time I've spent being married has resulted in frustration, stupification, youngins I'm responsible for no matter the cost.

I self styled as free, random, open.  I've always laughed at idiots like this, and never dreamed I'd become the like.

Are there issues of communication?  Sure.  Has June not spent much time abroad?  Bingo.  Should I share more about what I do?  Any more would cause the universe to contract upon itself centered within my sphincter.

I appreciate the well wishes.  Quite frankly, this little Ted Talk below has done more for helping sort out married life in general, ignoring the whole "OMG! I'm NOT married to SOMEONE of my own ETHNICITY!!" schtick that has spawned too many websites.

It isn't that June is Korean that is the real issue.  It's what she's like as a person that I focus on.

Let's see where I end up in ten-fifteen, eh?

Friday, November 18, 2011

Kimjang!

Tomorrow is kimchi making day at the kindergarten. All the parents come together to make fresh kimchi for daily lunches.

Sadly, I will not be able to attend. I have to go to Seoul for an obligatory company wide dinner / concert.

A bunch of the crew will be staying up and hittin' the 'twon afterwards. I'm going to be a limp dick by heading back that night. I'm saving all my dimes and nickels for Christmas you see, when I'll be heading back home for a short bit.

The sacrifices a father must make.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

So many kinds of wrong

This first has been making the rounds on the internetz:


PROTECT IP Act Breaks The Internet from Fight for the Future on Vimeo.

Related:



But what would so many kinds of wrong be without some messed up Japanese zombie and Rammstein videos??? (VNSFW)




Rammstein - Mein Land from Rammstein on Vimeo.

Douche bag of the week award goes to this guy:

Reading Time!

The eldest loves to read.   She's at a pretty high level in Korean, chawing through three or four good sized books a week.

Lately she's been into Harry Potter.  She's already read the first two in the series.  Not bad for a second grader.

Sadly she hasn't been reading a whole lot in English, and I've found myself giving her a hard time about it more than I should.

I point out to her that many of her friends pay a lot to learn English; she's lucky to have someone at home who can help her with that all the time.  But she still has a hard time getting through the Dr. Seuss and Magic Tree House.

So tonight was The Big Read In.  I put my ET skills to use and made a game: I gave the girls words and sentences appropriate to their ages; if they could read it without mistakes, they got to move ahead, the number of mistakes limiting the amount they could move on the board.  I put Whopper candies on certain spots, which when they reached that spot allowed them to eat a decreasing number of Whopper deliciousness.

They had a blast and were wired for sound until about an hour ago.  Game needs some refining, but we'll play it again soon.  I don't really have a choice in the matter as they've demanded a rematch.  The youngest won the most.

Maybe next time I'll use fruit instead.  That may of course just ruin it, but then learning shouldn't be solely an instantaneous reward pursuit.

Time for some Max.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Barbarians at the Gate!

Today we had a 'specialist' come by to give a seminar on computer security.  I thought it might be a useful way to spend an hour, and I went in with high expectations.

Warning bells went off when the dude giving the seminar looked about 70, and the intro slide to his presentation featured a picture of Dokdo.

He rambled on about the need to protect corporate and private information, pretty general stuff that anyone should know.  But then he went off about Evil Foreign Data Thieves who targeted the peace loving Korean people.  I thought he was going to talk about the need to stop being so Explorer and Active X reliant, the reasons why so many data thieves are able to flourish in Korea to begin with; instead he started to make some point related to how North Koreans were the happiest people in the world.  At this point I walked out before I could hear where he was going it.  I'm a busy guy, what can I say?

I'll ask someone about it tomorrow, but judging by some comments overheard around the water cooler, it was a huge waste of time.  Most of my coworkers have given up on Explorer; Chrome seems a favorite.

Maybe I should get into the seminar gig.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Free Furniture!

I came home last night to a huge pile of discarded furniture stacked in front of the apartment.  I looked it over quickly, but decided to give it a pass.  Some of it was OK, but after years of living in the ROK, I've adopted the Korean habit of not wanting to pick up someone else's trash, no matter how cool or cute it may be. 

This statement is of course ironic, since when June got home she insisted I bring up one of the dressers.  It was the one piece I had seriously considered bringing up, as it was an obviously well made and solid piece.  While a bit dated, it was also clearly a little on the expensive side.

This is another little reason why I agreed to marry this woman.  Wish I saw more of these, but I digress.

After hauling it upstairs with the help of the apartment guard, then came the rearranging.  I love how most apartments and furniture in Korea are so cookie cutter; makes everything fit pretty easy.  When we first moved in, the movers were actually quite amazed at just how well everything seemed to fit in the apartment.  Guess some designer / architect somewhere had more than a few cylinders firing the day they designed that stuff.

We did need a new dresser, and if we hadn't of pulled that one in it's quite possible it would have simply been broken down into pieces and recycled into press-board.  When you see discarded furniture, you best jump on it as fast as possible for this very reason: some overzealous Bacchus-D-fueled-super-adjusshi apartment guard will decide to go at it and break it down into pieces to be sold as scrap.  I've missed out on a couple of nice items over the years this way.

At least this way we won't have to buy any more of that made in Vietnam stuff for a while.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Sauna!

An old friend came up to the Wonj on the weekend known as the Professor.  He's been teaching in Seoul for a few years now, one of those rare E1 visa holders.  He brought his girlfriend, a sweetie he met in Vietnam some time back.  After a night of heavy drinking on Saturday, we decided to hit a charcoal heated sauna out in the countryside not too far from town.

At first I was unimpressed: a sauna with no baths always earns low points.  You had to walk outside to get to the saunas, which are small rooms fashioned out of clay.  It was only after I'd got my sweat on that I started to appreciate the place a little.  The medicinal sauna was actually quite nice.  

The super hot sauna was intense; the place provided wooden sandals to wear inside, as soft plastic ones had been known to melt and emit toxic fumes.  A woman was in there wrapped head to toe in thick heavy blankets.  I became worried about her, and was considering going in again to make sure she was still alive, but eventually she wobbled out. Detox and losing weight are great things, but at some point you should consider whether your internal organs are going through a slow bake.

Still, felt pretty good by the time we left.  Everyone had a swell time.

It was a pretty good weekend all in all.  It was funny to hear the Professor's partner go on about Korean love motels: she couldn't get over that not only did they not ask for ID or a marriage certificate when they booked into the place, which is pretty standard in a lot of places in Vietnam, but that the motel also provided condoms and three porn channels as 'service'. 

But of course, pornography is illegal in Korea, so she must have been mistaken.  Either that or it was a special room just for waegs.  Yeah, that must be it.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

At the Grocery Store!


This morning I went out to the grocery store to pick up a few things. At the fish counter, I asked for 300 grams of oysters. I love oysters.

The guy looked at me funny. Do they eat oysters in your country? Sure dude, they do; in fact they're considered a luxury. Oysters in Korea are cheap comparatively, and usually they're already shucked and ready to eat.

He seemed truly bemused by the whole idea of people eating oysters in a western country.

While driving home, I didn't think about the screwy myopic ideas some people have about folks in other places. I thought about my dad. When I was preparing to come to Korea oh so many years ago, he pointed at the sweaters and winter gear I was packing. You aren't going to need that in Korea he said. I assured him winters got cold there since it was fairly mountainous. This seemed very novel to him at the time.

I remind myself from time to time that this captures the essence of the human condition, and thus avoid laughing in the face of people who talk about four distinct seasons, how the best rice in the world comes from Icheon, how western people are X,Y and most obviously Z. It helps keep me on the straight and narrow.

Time for coffee.

Friday, November 11, 2011

So many kinds of wrong

This week's edition: English!

So many kinds of wrong







Bonus!  Epik Bollywood car chases!



Thursday, November 10, 2011

Scripted!

Any expat worth their salt quickly realizes the importance of coming up with scripted responses for the standard litany of questions the average Korean will ask upon first meeting you.  The savvy expat quickly realizes which responses generate animosity and sore feelings, and which make people walk away feeling good about themselves and their place in the world.

Typical questions can run the gamut from "Oh, can you use chopsticks", "Do you like Korean girl?", "Do you know Kimchi?  Is it too spicy for you?", and "Why aren't you married?"

While some may find many of the standard questions intrusive and rude, or indicative of a narrow world view, what they don't realize is that they are simply a pure expression of interest and concern for your overall well being. 

When presented with these kinds of questions, it is always best to just stay on script, demonstrating your own pure and clear mind to your Korean hosts.  This way you can develop lasting bonds of friendship and true understanding, bringing the world closer together.  After all, small talk is just that, small talk.

Remember to always smile.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Space Between!

John had barely made it to the toilet when a fetid stream of liquid shit spat from his anus.  Hed been feeling off for quite some time now, and nothing the docs gave him worked to make him right as rain.  He moved off the more offensive solids, avoiding grease, spice, anything of dubious provenance.  He ate only basic, wholesome food.  He stopped drinking and steered clear of all 'meds'.  Still the sickness pervaded him, brought him low, rented his intestinal track with wave after spasmatic wave, again and again for days.  It affected his work life, his dating life, everything.  He was at a loss for what to do.

Captain James Cook had been working on the project for 27 years, and now it seemed close, so close to fruition.  Interstellar space travel was finally within the grasp of the human race!  The difficulties they had endured!  When humans had begun to colonize their solar system, it had taken years to arrive at even the closest planets.  Finding a means to navigate past the Kuiper Belt and past the threshold had been difficult to surmount.  The incident of the Needle nearly resulted in the complete destruction of all the plutoids and the death of its crew; no known substance had been devised to withstand the pressure and intense radiation.  The explosion had been similar to a mini nova, even at that distance seen on Earth for years.   Thanks to his work on magnetic resonance, a crewed ship had finally made it to the threshold and were about to become the first humans to leave their cradle.

John was able to enjoy a good 10 minutes before the pain hit him again, this time far more intense than anything so far.  He doubled over and groaned, a deep guttural sound that scared his cat who scurried off into some dark corner.  Sweat covered his entire body, his clothes drenched with his stank.  He wiped his brow: a yellow stain covered his hand.  He felt as if he were burning up, the heat from his body emanating in waves.  His eyes began to lose focus.  What the fuck is happening to me.

-Prepare for ignition commander Bligh!  -Yes sir! Captain Cook.  It was a running joke on ship.  That their captain was the namesake of another hardy adventurer who had endured many trials and tribulations in pursuit of knowledge and glory was not lost on them.  They gave themselves names from Cook's crew and laughed at their wit.  They didn't believe in fate, a concept from a more primitive and superstitious past, when capricious gods and goddesses played with human destiny.  This was a rebirth of an age of action, when humans took full control of their future!  Bligh reached over and slotted the accelerator disk.  The ship began to hum


John felt the heat the insufferable heat begin deep inside his navel.  Shoulda .. . listened. . . to . . Margie when . . she said I could stand to lose . . a few. . .


The ship began to tremble.  All the tests showed this to be normal.  Bligh turned the power to full.  The ship blinked.

John could no longer think.  The heat rose to a fever pitch.  His clothes began to smoke, then his torso burst into an intense flame which enveloped his body in seconds.

The ship reappeared on the other side of the threshold and instantly began a sub atomic chain reaction.  The gaseous space between reacted to the polymer composition of the ship.  The artificial combination of organic and metallic served as a catalyst, instantaneously causing everything to simply close.  The crew never knew it, nor any thing else.  Everything had simply ceased to be.

The fire crew had come and gone, but they hadn't really been needed.  The fire had been highly localized and out in minutes.  -Why you think he did it?  And how?  - Who knows Mac.  People today, it's hard to say.  But yeah, 700 degrees centigrade, now that's a weird one.  How you gonna write it up? 


Mac thought a minute.  


-Spontaneous human combustion.



Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Biorhythm!

No wonder I feel stoopid these last days
Today around the water cooler talk with a coworker was about how I may be starting to get out of my funk.  She said something to the effect that maybe my biorhythm was finally beginning to stabilize. 

This made me laugh a bit.  I remember back in middle school using a crap IBM 286 to write a very basic program for calculating a person's biorhythm.  I inputted the birth dates for everyone in class and printed out all the results, then brought them to class and matched guys up with girls as to which biorhythms would best suit each other for the next month.

It was a big hit at the time and I ended up sharing the program with about a half dozen others.  Peeps were still using it a year after I graduated.

As for whether or not my biorhythms are back in synch is up for debate: after lunch I ended up getting tripped up in a coat belt when walking past a coworker's desk and went flying, spilling a huge mug of coffee all over the place.  I barely missed a coworker I find particularly interesting.  Luckily I had the presence of mind to twist a bit to the side sending the coffee flying just off beside her.

Everyone in the office helped clean it up.  Very cool.  Tomorrow is McMorning for everybody.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Locked!

Tonight the youngest thought it would be a fantastic idea to lock the door to her bedroom.  The eldest promptly came to me:

Daddy, she locked the bedroom door!  I tried these keys but none of them fit!

The eldest had actually amassed a fairly sizable collection of keys, from where is a mystery.  As luck would have it, none of the keys that came with the apartment worked, nor any of the others for that matter.

No problem!  I've got this.  Step back and watch the master at work!

I tried the 'ol pop the lock in the little hole under the knob, no luck.  There was no space for me to slide the paper clip in.

Next I tried a book club card.  As these things go, the frame left no room to slide the card in.   Card is now totally f*****.

Finally I dug out a suitable Allen key and went to work at it with a paper clip.  After about 20 minutes of this I went and got a hammer.  Nothing the claw won't fix!

I resisted the urge to smash or rip it out when I remembered that locksmiths usually put a small sticker on your door.  Sure enough I went out and pulled the sticker off and gave it to June.  She was amazed that such a thing existed.

Within 20 minutes, dude showed up and had the door open in about ten seconds.  My manhood did not shrivel up however, since instead of Hulk SMASH I used my superior wit to call in a professional.

Total cost: 1.5 manners.  Cheaper than replacing the knob.

Still, Hulk SMASH would have felt good.

Been Away!

The last week has been all about fighting illness and feeling like shit.  It hit me hard after an extremely intense three week full on work rampage.  Piles of paper were filled with diagrams pictures and words, then filed and processed.  Products were shipped.  Goats were sacrificed to ensure that everything arrived on time, on demand.

I'm still feeling out of it.  Despite a really slow weekend where I pretty much slept, I'm generally lacking in serious motivation.  This needs to change now.

But all I want to do is sleep. . . I should decry how my human rights are being violated since I'm not allowed to sleep at work all the time (HT to Granfallon at TMH).

Friday, November 4, 2011

So Many Kinds of Wrong

This weeks edition: dating!

3rd sNSFW

So many kinds of wrong







Bonus!



Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The Other Side!

Yesterday was hellish.  I went into work despite the nagging voice inside my head telling me to stay home and get the rest I need.  I spent the day being half as productive, trying to fight off the drowsiness caused by the meds the doc gave me.

Many of my coworkers never take a day off unless they or a relative has died.  That's the way things are supposed to roll in the ROK.

Good thing I went in, as for some reason an outline I submitted more than 2 weeks ago was eaten by the server.  Yesterday was the deadline, and if I hadn't of been there things would have been complicated.

I came home last night completely wiped.  I went to bed early and had some funky dreams about people I hadn't seen in a long time.  They weren't bad dreams, just funky.

I woke up this morning early.  The damned mosquitoes had been at me for over an hour when my bowels demanded immediate attention.  Another side effect of the meds; I won't describe what happened next, suffice to say it was nasty.

I am feeling better, about 78%.

Time for coffee.