Living in Wonju South Korea, These Many Long Years

Living in Wonju South Korea, These Many Long Years: Version 2.0!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Angry Wife!

When I told June I had gone to the casino, it took her about 6 hours to completely lose her shit.

She proceeded to bring up every nasty experience in the last 8 years. She complained about how I do nothing around the house, how evil my parents are, how I think I can take a vacation while she still has to work. . .a long laundry list of infractions real and imagined.

I didn't want to get into it. Today I'm feeling slow and logey. Still, I reminded her of the times I came home with big wins at the casino, how I had been cooking meals most of the week, doing dishes, driving the kids, how my parents had helped us and shown a great deal of generosity and that her father in particular is far from a saint, and how hard I worked when I ran my own business and how hard I work every day when not on vacation.

She got mad and said I should give her vacation, and how nice she's been but I've been acting selfish, and that I act the way I do because I make way more money than her. I don't give you vacation, talk to your customers, and I've never said a word about how much you make. I've supported your business since day one darling. This just made her angrier so I went out for a walk. As I was leaving she proceeded to call up her dad and bitch him out.


She seems to have forgotten the 12-14 hour days I often work, and how I would work months without a day off when I ran my own gig in the past, even putting in time on Sundays and holidays. If I didn't work I didn't get paid, it was that simple. I had asked her if she was prepared to do this when she started her own business to which she replied assertively that it was what she'd have to do until things were built up.

She's been trying to accommodate my need to just relax, this is true, but before my vacation started she tried to get me to fill up my days with private lessons like I used to, as the summer was usually one of my more lucrative times of the year. I was able to beg off most of them since it looked like I'd have to give a week long seminar in Seoul. Thankfully it ended up being cancelled, freeing me up after June had said no to the moms. I have a few small things to take care of, but I'm only working about 12 hours a week. I took a pass on some very lucrative English teaching gigs; after the last few months at work, I need some time to just decompress, then spend a week turning over what needs to be taken care of when I get back to work.

We've talked about all this before, and she saw my reasoning, but one stoopid trip to the casino renders all that moot. And of course her tune would have been different if I had come her and given her 100 manners.

The kids listened to all this. After June stormed out and I drove the youngest to kindergarten, the eldest came home and started doing dishes.

The fact that the Mother-in-Law helps out a lot with the domestic stuff and has been visiting her sister the last couple of weeks sees June having to do more stuff around the house, especially when I'm not home. This renders her even more volatile than usual, as she sees herself being stuck in a place she never wanted to be; the irony of course is that for her to not have to deal with daily work, she'd need to have someone there doing it for her, or wealth accumulated either through her own efforts or through marrying up, the last being in itself counter to many of her ideals.

This has always been a sticky point, she being stuck at home having to be a homemaker. She abhors it. While far from the best example, I hold my own on the domestic side all things considered. But it's never been enough.

I'm sorry you never had the chance to be what you wanted, due to a lack of support or societal restrictions. And I'm sorry I'm nothing more than a caveman and not some pretty boy murse carrying pink wearing gentra driving emasculated metrosexual. No I don't like your stupid TV shows and I fucking hate ballads. But you've always known that when push comes to shove I've got your back, and I've worked hard to give you a good and interesting life. If you want me to always forgive your many huge mistakes involving thousands of dollars lost because of your whim and inability to follow up (future posts!), then get off my back for one trip to the casino and 60 manners.

Wishful thinking. It's a never ending cycle that will simply repeat itself until the day we die, one that is found in a lot of relationships.

Sometimes it's better to just be single forever, a thought I was firmly behind when June and I first met. I knew that finding a relationship that didn't degenerate into this cycle was rare and usually short lived. Hanging out too much with the same people usually makes overlooking their shortcomings more difficult the more time you spend with them.

Anyway, this isn't going to blow over anytime soon, knowing her. This weekend is supposed to be camping with some of the families from the kindergarten, then I've got another few days to think about work before heading back in.

Something tells me the rest of my vacation is all about the suck.


F5 as well said...

Sucks man..
Sounds like you need to take a long holiday of a week or two to show her how much you mean to her.

Give her a reality check. I've done that before. Was getting done by the wife for trivial nonsense and all the while was supporting her 100% and wasn't deserved at all. Said I had, had enough and I need some time. Not going to break up, just need some time apart so you can chill out and think about things.

Just basically took a bus from down here in Busan and did a trip up the east coast and climbed a couple of mountains. Cleared my mind and made me feel a lot better about everything.

This was about a year ago. Worked pretty well as all this year she has been as sweet as pie. Give it a try.

Jake @ expatHELL said...

In my home town, there was a strip club called "the Library". It made it much easier for men to lie to their wives about where they were going and what they were doing. "Hey baby, I was just at the library".

I suppose the next casino bender will have to be kept a secret in order to maintain marital peace. At least you got a few hours of fun. My wife will be accompanying me on a business trip to China tomorrow. Nothing for her to do there; she's just coming along to supervise me.

F5Waeg said...

To F5 as well: did that back in 2005. Worked for a bit. Thought I earned brownie points by not going back home this go and instead save 10 grand but maybe blow 600. No dice.

Jake: Maybe you could suggest some volunteer stuff to keep her busy?

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