Living in Wonju South Korea, These Many Long Years

Living in Wonju South Korea, These Many Long Years: Version 2.0!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

#@C*%CccA$&Rrrrr*$@!gge#

Playing chicken is more of an endurance test than anything. Driving the streets of Seoul is another.

For one, never drive a nice car in Seoul.  You want a beater that you don't give a shit about.  You must be prepared for some bongo driving asshat who will refuse to back down when he's trying to merge, and will subsequently leave a nice dent / scratch on your vehicle.  Best of luck trying to get him to pull over when you're driving rush hour on the Olympic Expressway. 

Next, you must show no fear.  Few will let you merge into another lane, since its all about being the first to the red light.  It is constantly a race and woe to they who finish last.  Do not be afraid to stick your nose into the opposing lane, since merely signaling and waiting for someone to accomodate* you will only lead to frustration and an expansion of the types of profanity you have used in front of your kids.

Further, do not be afraid of queue cutting or driving on the sidewalk.  Its not how you got there that matters, but the fact that you got there before the twenty other shmoes who didn't have the balls to do what you did.  Fuck them if they lack initiative. 

Lastly, never under any circumstances look at any other drivers, your rear view mirror, or check your blind spot.  This is for suckers.  If they hit you, get out of your car first looking concerned, then disturbed, then full on I'm gonna skull f!ck your dead grandmother, depending on the reaction you get from other driver.  Be prepared to lie through your teeth when the cops come, and if there are others in the car, make sure you've got your story straight!

You're welcome.

*Actually, to be fair, if you roll down your window and do the downward wave at the other drivers as you try to merge, they may let you in more often

Update!

When parking, feel free to park wherever and however you please.  Remember it is your god given right to park within 5-10 steps of your apartment door, not 50 or even - god forbid! - 100 meters away.  This means any spot you can cram your vehicle into is fair game, including the sidewalk, that spot next to the bush beside the door, and the space that was designed to allow people to back out in case there were no spots. Handicapped parking spaces are a total score, since they are always so close to the door.  Also feel free to ignore the lines for parking, since they are only a suggestion; you can park your car as far from the one next to the driver's door as you please, thus facilitating your exit from your vehicle.  If you make it impossible to for the person on the passenger's side to enter their car, it isn't your problem.

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