Living in Wonju South Korea, These Many Long Years

Living in Wonju South Korea, These Many Long Years: Version 2.0!

Friday, November 19, 2010

2nd

If I were to be completely honest, last night was a complete fuck off.

I got home around 9 to an empty house and only a last minute call to the effect that the fam was going to spend the night in the woods somewhere.

I had planned to make cookies with the girls, and June had hinted that I would probably be getting some cookie myself.

It's moments like this when I have to remind myself why I married her.



When June told me she was pregnant, my initial reaction was to ask if she wanted to get an abortion.  I told her straight out that I was an emotional mess and in no position to be the best man for the job.   Plus the fact that I didn't want to get married or have kids.

Ever.

Her response was that regardless of my decision, she was going to keep the kid.

I looked at what was around me.  I thought of the half black fish salesman in the country market down the road, the half white store clerk near my friend's place in Haebangchon, the half Filipinos in my English class, and I read the newspaper and blogs.  I thought about how people generally treated mixed race kids, what options were available to them growing up in Korea.  Throw having a single mom into the mix and its straight up disaster.  Not a life you'd wish on anyone.

I wasn't going to be just another white asshole who came through for happy party time then fucked off when the going got tough.

So I married her.

I'm pretty fond of her sometimes.  Other times I think she is selfish and completely clueless. 

When June pulls a bad timing stunt like this, what's odd is that I usually get bombarded with a bunch of other stoopid shit at the same time.

Like reading shit that says only loser Korean women marry foreigners, a common statement from loser men on internet forums.

Or reading shit that white dudes are the scourge of the world who can never truly understand discrimination (read the comments)

And reading more shit that is so self absorbed its obvious the writers will never be able to overcome their own sense of entitlement and desire to monopolize hatred and suffering.  It is nourishing to constantly think of yourself as a victim I suppose. 

Fuck you I say.

I'm going to be there for my kids till the end.  I'm going to help them anyway I can.  I want them to be proud of everything they are.

And I'm going to do everything I can to make it so they don't end up whiny, angry and hateful.

I may not be that successful in the end, but reading around the internet just proves that I've got to at least take a go at it.

3 comments:

Todd McCoy said...

Amen dude. I'll be the first to stand up and clap, and I'll look around the room to see who's with me. Eventually everyone should be clapping, and if they aren't they can indeed fuck off.

Nice rant. If I could, I'd roll it up and smoke it.

Lesser Klaus said...

You're not suffering alone, my friend. Marriage simply doesn't solve the sex problem a lot of the time. At least, mine doesn't, and my other middle aged friends say the same. My wife sometimes flirts during they day, and likes to look sexy to me, but I'll be damned if I can tell when she's ready. Usually she's not. My wife's libido collapsed after we had children, then went back up during her mid 30's to 40ish, and now seems to be retreating again as she hits her mid 40's.

I'm not saying your wife is or isn't selfish, but the fact of the matter is that "women reserve the right to change their minds." When I first heard that as young man I thought it was funny, but now I realize that, from a man's point of view, it's a euphemism for breaking promises and the like.

While highly sexual women doubtless have their merits, monogamy usually isn't one of them.

Best of luck!

Anonymous said...

Good on you for doing the right thing...and understanding the culture around you...and standing up for your kids. Good on you.

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